1.1 - Life Stories

"Now if you would please fill out this simple form and in the meantime I'll check when someone is available for you," the secretary says politely while handing out a piece of paper.
On the top of the document it says 'THE HELPING HAND ' and in smaller letters underneath 'women's shelter and crisis center '.

Name: Kerry Harris. Easy enough.
Date of Birth: On a rainy day (Kerry was sure about that) some 18 years ago. Almost exactly 18 years, she thinks sadly.
Children: None. Yet.
Pregnant? With a heavy sigh she ticks the box that says 'yes'.
There are more questions about her family or close friends, education, job experiences, where she resided until now, and other things she'd rather not think about, and the answers she scribbles down only make it clearer to her just how hopeless her situation is.

Then the waiting begins. There are more forms to fill out and people she has to explain her current life situation to. It's mentally exhausting, but the most confusing thing to her is that the shelter staff always refers to her as 'Ms. Harris' and not 'Kerry'. When exactly had she become a woman?

 A few hours later a social worker shows her around the facility and leads her into her new room. "How long can I stay here?" Kerry asks.

"There's no set date really, it all depends on-"
"How long?"
"Up to 8 weeks usually. Don't worry, we'll find a place for you until then. And you'll still have our support afterwards if you need it, we will talk about this later." The woman pauses briefly, then points to the right side of the door. "Anyway, this is your bed. You will share this room with two other women. I think they're having dinner right now."

Kerry's stomach growls unhappily upon hearing the word 'dinner', making the other woman laugh. "Alright, lets join them, I'll show you our kitchen and dining room and then you better get some nutrients for you and your baby!"

When Kerry comes to the dining room it is already empty except for one girl around her age. Kerry ignores her, too focused on inhaling her meal; for the past two weeks she had mostly lived off dry crackers.

Back in her new simple room she already sees two other women. These must be her new roommates!
One of them is a tall redhead who introduces herself as Ramona. She says that she's been here for 3 weeks and offers Kerry to help her find her way around the shelter if she has any questions. She seems nice and reminds Kerry of an old childhood friend of hers.

The other one is a somewhat older middle-eastern woman who only speaks broken english but enough to say that her name is Tansu and that she's happy to meet Kerry.

Kerry grabs her backpack to unpack the few things in there: underwear for change and a shirt to sleep in, some leftover crackers, an informative booklet about pregnancy, her smartphone, a cheap camera she took with her, and Mr. Snugglez.

If anyone asked her Kerry would say that she took Mr. Snugglez with her as a gift for her baby, but the truth is that she needs him just as much for emotional support and as a reminder of simpler times.

Not that she would ever admit this.

***

She was given a couple of appointments for the next two weeks here. A doctor, a psychologist, and a social worker who will discuss her options for job and apartment search with her, the same woman who showed her around earlier.
That's a lot of talking. But right now she doesn't feel like talking. Right now she feels more like curling up in her new temporary bed and staying that way until better times come.
If they ever come.

The redhead in the bed next to her has already started snoring. For a moment Kerry wishes someone came and tucked her in and told her that everything would be alright, but she quickly dismisses this thought as childish and sighs, turns off the lights, and disappears under the blanket.

She's an adult now, for whatever that means.

***

Kerry sits in the social worker's office, hands slightly sweaty, thoughts racing through her head. What job can she find with no finished school education? Where will she and her baby live? How can she afford a small apartment or even just a room with nothing on her hands?

The social worker turns away from her computer and faces Kerry. "I have good news for you, Ms. Harris", she says with a warm smile, "You are very lucky!"

"I will soon be a single mom at 18 with no job and no place to live. I don't feel lucky at all," Kerry blurts out before she can stop herself.

"You are lucky," the woman continues, "because a two room apartment has just become available for rent nearby! If you're interested you can see it next week and we can reserve it for you if you decide to take it."

"But... the costs?", Kerry asks.
The woman smiles and nods again. "Affordable with what you get from social welfare payments!"
Kerry doesn't dare to feel relief yet. Instead she nods back and states in a neutral voice: "I'll look at it."
"Great! Ms. Harris, I'd like to talk to you about your job search and how we can help you. You said you don't have any job experience and haven't finished school. What hobbies or skills do you have that could be useful in a job?"
Skills?, Kerry thinks. Does getting into trouble count as a skill?

***

The first week in the shelter goes by quickly. Kerry stares at the plain walls of her simple room, feeling bored and empty inside. She's 18. She wants to have fun, for f's sake! At this age you're not supposed to be sitting in a room like this one, worrying about children, rent, and employment.

During her first days here she was grateful to find some peace and quiet after all that had happened but now that her stomach is filled again and she has a warm bed to sleep in, she's longing for more than that. She wants to feel alive and have age-appropriate fun, to just let loose and dance wildly...

"Hey, Ramona." She has already become friends with her redheaded roommate, who, just like her, is sitting in her bed now, just daydreaming or playing with her phone.

"Hm?"
"Want to have some fun tonight?" Kerry suggests.
Ramona sits up straight now, grinning. "I'm all ears!"

***

The two girls quickly inform the secretary of The Helping Hand that they are going to go out together and when they intend to be back.
"You really want to go out like that?" Ramona laughs and points at Kerry's worn out clothes.

Kerry shrugs. "I only took the very necessities with me when I ran away."
"Then lets go and get you a new dress first, now that you have some pocket money again! "

They find a little second-hand shop nearby. It's not exactly high fashion but at least the clothes are within Kerry's tight budget.

Kerry looks into the big mirror. She never struggled with insecurities about her body, fully aware that she's a very attractive young girl, but ever since she found out about her pregnancy she can't walk by a mirror without carefully inspecting her stomach. It won't feel real to her until she can actually see a baby bump, but so far she's not showing at all.

Finally she decides for a colorful dress, a cheap bracelet, and a pair of shoes that look more expensive than they are.
"Looks great on you!" Ramona approves.

Kerry can't help but look at her stomach again. It's still flat, isn't it?

"Do you think I gained weight?" she asks Ramona or maybe just herself.

"Since last week when I first met you? No. But you're pregnant, girl, I'd be more worried if you didn't gain! Now let's go, I'm not going to miss happy hour at Eugi's!"

With her new clothes and shoes Kerry and her friend head straight into Eugi's, the nearest bar in Bridgeport. It is still quite early so there are not too many people yet, but the music here is loud and exactly what Kerry needed to get her head clear again.

 Kerry takes a seat at the bar, trying to forget everything she had read about alcohol and pregnancy. As long as I don't drink too much it won't do any harm, right?
"A cherry cocktail for me please," she shouts over to the bartender "and... Ramona, what do you want?"

"Mhh, I'll have the Party Popper," she says to the bartender and then turns to Kerry again, "But are you sure you want to drink in your, uh, condition?"
"WHAT? I can't hear you over the music!" Kerry pretends. But she heard very well.

It doesn't take a lot for Kerry's mind and tongue to loosen, and before she realizes it she is telling Ramona her entire life story.

"I'm... I'm a bad mom! I shouldn't be here, drinking..." Kerry sobs while taking another sip. "But I'm feeling so stressed, y'know what I mean? You know, my own mom is an alcoholic, that's why I ran away from home and landed on the streets."

"Do you have a dad?", Ramona asks.

Kerry shakes her head. "No... Wherever he is, he probably doesn't even know I exist. Anyway, I ran away from home and had nowhere to live. But then my old geography teacher offered me help and said I could live at his place for a while! I was so happy and of course I said yes because sleeping on park benches isn't very comfy! But guess what?" At this point Kerry has to pause for a moment and catch her breath. She downs the rest of her drink before she continues. "He turned out to be a violent abusive asshole! And he got me pregnant too..."

"Whaaaat?? You mean the baby is from your teacher?!" Ramona interrupts.

"Shhh, not so loud! Not everyone here needs to know!"

"Yeah, but... wow! And you weren't even 18 then! You know he can totally get arrested for that, right? You should press charges against him and-"

Now it is Kerry's turn to interrupt: "No, please... I don't have the energy for that. I don't want to see him again and frankly, I don't want to talk about it to police officers, lawyers, and whatnot."

Ramona decides to not push Kerry anymore on that matter and drags her over to the dance floor instead, which Kerry is more than happy about.

This. This is what girls her age should do, Kerry thinks and smiles for the first time in what felt like ages.